Two Amusing Stories About My Bid For Fame

How's that for a title? I'm not really bidding for fame, but if I were, then these stories that take me down a notch would be even funnier.

First, I was invited to participate in the Salado Public Library's Local Author night. I'd never pitched myself as an author even though I've written numerous articles (See my vitae) and five book chapters which, as I said in another blog post:

If the chapters had ANYTHING in common, I could put them together and have a whole book to myself, but I’ve never had the attention span required to publish a full book.

The other reason I would not have pitched myself as an author is that I'm not really sure who would be interested in reading what I've written! But my dad threw my hat into the ring so there I was for an evening of cheese and punch with eighteen other local authors. (There is SOME talent in this town!) Mom introduced me to a woman named Nell who remembered reading all about me in the newspaper recently when they announced my civic entrepreneurship fellowship. Oh, she just couldn't say enough about how smart I am. "Yes," she said, "You must be smart because I don't understand a thing you do or say!"

DOWN A NOTCH!

Earlier tonight my mother called to tell me that someone who heard me speak at the candidate's forum last week not only commended my speech, but also said that everyone he talked to felt the same admiration for my qualifications.

This is where mom should have said, "Thank you and I do hope you will vote for her and tell your other friends." But she wanted to pave the way for a soft landing in case I am not elected so she said, "Well, she is talented, but may not be as well known as the others...still...I'm sure she'll be an asset even if (emphasis ALL mine!) she is not elected." (Now I know why you pay handlers to keep your staff and family "on message!")

After little contemplation, he countered (hopefully not TOO enthusiastically), "Well, if she's not elected, then perhaps she'll serve on the Cemetery Board!"

DOWN ANOTHER NOTCH!

Not a criticism of the cemetery board. That's probably an interesting - and quiet - board. After all, this is an historic community and most of the stakeholders don't complain much. But I worry about campaign slogan that goes something like this:

"Don't elect her, she'll do the job anyway AND still have time to serve on your board!"

So my reputation thus far is:

• We don't understand what she does so she must be smart.
• Even if she's not elected, we still love her.

Hmmm, I guess I can live with that, after all.

UP A DOZEN NOTCHES!